still learning

Soooo I had such a great time in Palo Alto! I reallllyyyy needed it. the break from reality and having lots of frivolous fun! It was pretty much a mini-vacation. sighhh. It was also the first time in years where I really felt my old self coming out and I was actually okay with it? It made me realize how much more reserved and self-conscious I had become since graduating high school. It's become almost natural for me to consider the repercussions of every action I make. It's made me so much more cautious and critical and now that I think about it, it has really stifled a lot of my relationships with people.
Being with Deborah brought out my spontaneous, energetic, playful side because I felt as though I could just be however I wanted to be without anyone judging me. Because she's known me for so long, I can say or do whatever I want without having to explain myself or anything else. It's not that I haven't been carefree and open for years, I just hadn't really mixed it within a school setting in a really long time because I hadn't felt comfortable enough.
It was so much fun dancing my heart out and yelling lyrics to popular songs with my friends/ the crowd. I was so in the zone! I forgot how much I used to enjoy it and how cathartic/therapeutic it could be. I guess I didn't even realize how much I'd really been limiting myself. or as Erica bluntly told me, how much of a wall I'd put up around me. It was also fun being a little mischievous and teasing a few boys here and there. :)
So I've unexpectedly learned a lot from this trip. I am going to let myself be more spontaneous, let myself be in new situations without preparing for the worst, let myself be more emotionally open without thinking that it's going to come and bite me in the ass, and most importantly for now, I'm going to try to have the most kick-ass time in my last month in college. I'm not going to let a day pass without having felt like I fulfilled something important- whether it be academic or social.
Today, Miriam, Erica and I are starting our 7-10 day fruit cleanse!
I totally had to give it up during the weekend but I am ready to get back on it! We've stocked up on fruit and are ready to conquer! yes! :)