All Good Things Must Come To An End

Yesteday I went out to get a bottle of wine for Miriam. I came back with five. hahahaa. It's so fun shopping the wine selection at World Market~! :)

Lately I've been feeling really blueeee. I think it's really hitting me that I'm leaving soon. It's terrifying and severely depressing. The majority of my past three years has been spent in Santa Cruz and all of a sudden it's goodbye forever? Sigh... Life is so scary. I've learned to become quite adept at adapting because of all my forced moves in my early teens but the fact that I also adapt so quickly scares me. I pick up a new lifestyle pretty easily and forget my old one unless I or someone else takes extreme effort to keep me tied down to it.

It's a bit morbid, but I can't help but think that all these great experiences I've had here are going to be nothing but intangible wisps of memories. The memories are still strong and alive because I hang out with people on a daily basis who remind me of them, but what happens when I no longer see them on a regular basis? They become what high school memories have become now. Hazy and randomly revisited in waves of nostalgia.

Usually I'm all about change and the future, but the fact that the future is so unknowable and unplanned makes me want to curl up in a ball (of drunken, inconsequential stupor) and ignore it all.

I'm scared to go back to LA even though I love it with all my heart. It will always be there waiting for my return, whereas Santa Cruz represents the limits and temporality of a transitional stage of my life that I can never go back to again. The students will all grow up, move on with their lives, and a new population of people I don't recognize will take their places.

You know what the problem is? I was never supposed to make friends. That was my plan from Day 1. To come here, take some interesting classes, get my degree, and get out. But I met too many people I grew to care about too much. :/.

Hahhaha. No, I love them to death and would never give up any of my times here with them. Life isn't worth living without great relationships in your life. Relationships anchor you. They give you drive. Any success you achieve in life is meaningless if you have no one to share it with. It's just difficult knowing that many relationships are often times great in their short length and static placement in time.

Hopefully the few really great ones I will hold onto with a vice-like grip for the rest of my life. :).