Let me break it down, down/ Break it, break it down

Taeyang's new album (the deluxe version) dropped today, so of course it's everywhere online.

I have to admit, I actually like a few of the songs on this album (I'm not a big Taeyang fan so I wasn't that hyped about this release)! I hate the rest, though. I don't find his R&B ballads romantic or hot or cute at all...In fact, I think they're downright whiny and annoying. but I know millions of other girls think otherwise, so I understand why they're there. (Hmm, this kinda reminds me of the way I feel about Trey Songz/Usher. I don't think find them or their personae attractive and I hate most their songs because when I listen to them, I'm just like... ew, no, son. but I can see why other girls think they're cute and like their songs. I think I just don't like straight up R&B. I like my R&B to have a bit of Hip-Hop or soul, cuz otherwise it sounds flat to me. and that smooth R&B image is ... eugh.)
I love all the featured guests, though! Their voices are a welcome reprieve from Taeyang's nasally, high-pitched tone. When G-Dragon's voice came out on "I Need a Girl," I was like "wheew" and then I realized it was G-Dragon! hah! I think that's going to be Taeyang's first single, which I sorely disagree with, since I hate all of it except for the 30 seconds when G-Dragon raps...GD's voice can either sound really annoying or really sexy which is weird...
 

Let's see... Oh I am in LOVE with "Break Down!" I was really surprised when I heard it because it seemed so un-Taeyang-like! I could tell from the moment I heard it that Teddy produced it. (love that guy)

Isn't it hot?! It's such a fun, upbeat song that makes you wanna dance! I can already picture all the silly groovin that will be happening in Sol's car while we listen to it. :D The hook is so catchy, too (if you haven't already figured it out, it's the title of the post)!
I also reallllly like the rap part of this song ! who is Swings? some new rapper? I've never heard of him.
 
Oh and I like "Superstar."
That's it.
I think I'm going delete the rest of the songs from my itunes.... hahahahahaa.
But the songs I did like made me even MORE excited for Big Bang & 2ne1's comebacks!!
Also, Taeyang's lackluster album has made me go back to listen to G-Dragon's album from last summer.
I was sooo happy to be in Korea when it was released! I think it came out a few days before I left, too! :).
I remember being embarrassed to go and buy it because I didnt want them to think i was some young high school fangirl, but it never even got to that point because the salespeople didn't understand my pronunciation. They were like... o_O "we don't carry that artist..." and I had to say G-Dragon all koreanized: "Jee Du-reh-gon." and then they were like "Ohhhh! Jee Du-reh-gon! Why didn't you say so?" lol...
anyway, this is an excellent excuse to post up this video. it's a fan-made MV that uses footage from YG live TV from when they were recording G-dragon's album.

3 of the most talented peeps in YG in one song!
hahaha, sorry to take the attention away from Young-bae (Taeyang).
I'm sure Taeyang fans will enjoy the new album. I'm sure that's all that really matters. :). 

Back

I'm feeling much better. I cleaned and reorganized my room (many thanks to my girl Silviaaaa) and it feels so much better! I'm really excited to go shopping to decorate, too. :). My mom told me she wants to get me new bed sheets and curtains so that should be fun. I really wanted to paint my room, too (because my walls are a bit fucked up) but moving all the heavy ass furniture around yesterday night has made me rethink that option. hahahaa. I am soooo sore. and I'm pretty sure there's something seriously wrong with my leg(s). I think I'm going to go get them x-rayed... sigh... I hate being damaged. Being physically limited is a really strange experience. It disturbs me that I can't do something as simple as going up and down the stairs without limping/ being in pain.

Anyway, it's been a wild, hectic week (month?) and I really need some rest. It has definitely been lots of fun but dang, having fun is also exhausting!! I'm craving some alone time. reading a great book. watching a good movie. going for a walk listening to my ipod. regroup my thoughts and think about who Susie is and what Susie wants. :P just for a few days~.

I'm not completely sure I'm going to Santa Cruz on Thursday anymore. I was supposed to go with Miriam and her friend Jess, but there are some issues with which car to take and anyway I really want to go to Andrew's high school graduation, which is on Thursday. He's basically my 2nd little brother and I really want to celebrate with him and the rest of the Namkung family. Eugene was trying to convince me that going to Andrew's graduation was more important than going to SC and yeah I know going to SC is a selfish desire... so maybe I should just let that option go since it seems kinda complicated anyway? Sighh I don't know. Miriam's gonna get back to me by tomorrow with more info. If anything, I really wish we could just leave on Friday... Best of both worlds? :)

Messy mess.

I can barely function for 5 minutes without thinking about how sad or how terrified I am. I don't want to get out of bed, I don't want to get dressed. I can only think about how badly I want to cry or throw up. I never thought I'd feel this way at this point in my life. I can't even bring myself to tell anyone how depressed I am because it's so pathetic. It's probably a good thing I'm living at home, because it keeps me from turning into a complete alcoholic or a smoker. Ugh, this is so annoying. Why am I such an emotional wreck?

I need to make distractions. 

1) get my driver's license

2) find a job (any job)

3) join a gym or something similar

4) start studying for LSATs

5) go on road trips :) 

Whew, I feel better already.

(This is why I write/blog- it lets me funnel some of the frustrations out and clarify my mind.)

This song is stuck in my head!

hahaha it's soo dramatic! but really sad because damn I've been hearing such terrible stories about relationships lately and the song isn't even an exaggeration, you know? goddamn, people are such hurtful / selfish creatures...

For Neda

"The whole idea with this regime is that because they confiscated religion and turned it into an ideology, they deprived it of everything that makes religious humane... so this government in fact destroyed religion by claiming it and confiscating it."



It was perhaps not the best decision for me to watch this in the library because 1) because I was supposed to be writing my thesis, and 2) because it invoked such an intense emotional response (which I supposed I should have expected), but once I started it, I couldn't put it on pause.
Neda's life was extraordinary purely because of her inability to be anything but herself. Her sense of identity and the strength with which she approached her desire to express that identity was truly admirable. That type of courage is not praised nearly enough in the context of power and politics, so it was really electrifying to see this rather simple characteristic (that we in our bubble of protected rights don't have to consider) being the reason for and the foundation of this mass protest.
The way the documentary wove her personal story with her nation's struggles was incredibly poignant and effective in relaying the magnitude and mentality of the political fracas in 2009.
The documentary may be called "For Neda," but really it's for Iran, its people and their rights. Because with her death, Neda became much more than just Neda. She became a movement, a symbol, a martyr, an ideology. a reference point in time and history.
While I was listening to her family and friend describing her, I got this haunting feeling that maybe she had been too strong of a person to simply be wiped away by the murder of her physical body, and how tragically fitting it seemed for her to become this inspirational voice of reason.

"The objective of killing is to make you invisible. And if once you're dead you're still visible... the whole purpose of killing you is defeated."

Chillingly beautiful.

All Good Things Must Come To An End

Yesteday I went out to get a bottle of wine for Miriam. I came back with five. hahahaa. It's so fun shopping the wine selection at World Market~! :)

Lately I've been feeling really blueeee. I think it's really hitting me that I'm leaving soon. It's terrifying and severely depressing. The majority of my past three years has been spent in Santa Cruz and all of a sudden it's goodbye forever? Sigh... Life is so scary. I've learned to become quite adept at adapting because of all my forced moves in my early teens but the fact that I also adapt so quickly scares me. I pick up a new lifestyle pretty easily and forget my old one unless I or someone else takes extreme effort to keep me tied down to it.

It's a bit morbid, but I can't help but think that all these great experiences I've had here are going to be nothing but intangible wisps of memories. The memories are still strong and alive because I hang out with people on a daily basis who remind me of them, but what happens when I no longer see them on a regular basis? They become what high school memories have become now. Hazy and randomly revisited in waves of nostalgia.

Usually I'm all about change and the future, but the fact that the future is so unknowable and unplanned makes me want to curl up in a ball (of drunken, inconsequential stupor) and ignore it all.

I'm scared to go back to LA even though I love it with all my heart. It will always be there waiting for my return, whereas Santa Cruz represents the limits and temporality of a transitional stage of my life that I can never go back to again. The students will all grow up, move on with their lives, and a new population of people I don't recognize will take their places.

You know what the problem is? I was never supposed to make friends. That was my plan from Day 1. To come here, take some interesting classes, get my degree, and get out. But I met too many people I grew to care about too much. :/.

Hahhaha. No, I love them to death and would never give up any of my times here with them. Life isn't worth living without great relationships in your life. Relationships anchor you. They give you drive. Any success you achieve in life is meaningless if you have no one to share it with. It's just difficult knowing that many relationships are often times great in their short length and static placement in time.

Hopefully the few really great ones I will hold onto with a vice-like grip for the rest of my life. :).